I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
Randomize
