I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
i gave her road head last night, needless to say it wasn't the same and i bit a chunk of the inside of my cheek off.
I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
You need to be more adventurous.
I am! Just not in a "I wanna get diseases" way
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
Randomize
