If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
The Shake Weight not only toned my arms but significantly improved my hand job form and efficiency.
I still can't figure out why that's not in the commercial.
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
Yep and i guess after he came back from that he sat down next to me and i just put my hand right on his penis just casually like it was his leg
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
Let go out that Thursday night!
Yess sounds good, I have to go turn myself in the next day because what happened last Friday.
Randomize
