Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
i don't care if its just a preseason game, my pick up a guy and suck him off in the bathroom skills are in midseason form
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
Randomize
