we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
I have no clue how you survived last night but I applaud you. 21 body shots off 9 bodies in under four hours has to be a record.
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
I only gave you one rule about using the beach house: don’t get cum on anything!
You’ve seen my tits! You had to know that rule was unrealistic! Does it help that he was really cute?
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