I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
Dog. I woke up between my ex boyfriend witch i'm currently fucking and his bestfriend spooning me in MY bestfriends empty powerless house still really fucked up. No one knows what happend.
Randomize
