You just made me feel so damn special
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
Gotcha. How bad is it?
Well to compare it to something I would say it what's that walls would like inside the primate exhibit at the zoo after a group of monkeys finished throwing feces at each other all afternoon
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
Randomize
