put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
I just haven't been myself lately. I slept with a guy 21 years older than me and I've been wearing my hair in a center part.
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
I enjoy the level of friendship we have achieved until you ask me to determine what may or may not be gentile warts via iphone pic
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
I’m turning 34 on Friday and I feel like the only thing I’ve accomplished in life so far is getting into pissing matches with clients
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