Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
Regardless of the degree, it's probably not good to relate so closely to the Steve-O documentary.
he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
The topic of sex in the jamba banana suit has come up on multiple occasions. We're just waiting for a moment to try it out.
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
Randomize
