I can text with my tongue
dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
Sitting here reading the internet and all i have to show for this summer is a shitty tan and the possible case of clamidia.
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
Randomize
