i can't wait to go to hell
yeah...all of my friends will be there for sure
if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
View of Vancouver Bay is obscured though the greasy hand prints from fucking against the window. Tip maid well.
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
Just saw the pics from the bachelor party. When the hell did we go to southie. And why was there a chicken in the limo..? You guys really are my best friends.
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