he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
i was laying in her brothers bed, in his old room. and i kept getting the chills. i didn't know if it was a draft or the ghosts of BJ's past.
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
Randomize
