so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
Randomize
