Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
I have to think about this realistically and not with my vagina.
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
Randomize
