nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
And no, shaving doesn't make it look bigger, either
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
I woke up and my backpack was empty. He used me for sex, and back to school supplies.
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
Randomize
