curled up in a ball on my bed listening to my "cuddle with a boy" playlist. prettty high.
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
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