boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
Randomize
