i need a penis for penetration, you wont do.
oh yeah... my b.
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
they sound like some classy girls.
Hey, I don't give them daddy issues, I just take advantage of it. The real bad guy here is American parenting.
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
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