Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
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