In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
No I am not eating basil off your cock
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
Well if were past the bullshitting stage yes if not then no I'm not that kind of guy
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
It's the warm chocolate goeyness of a brownie combined with the heavenly taste of weed-smell... Why have I never done this before?
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
I've come to the conclusion, I should prob have at least 20 hr supervision. I would say 24, but I'm guaranteed to pass out for at least 4 hrs a day
Randomize
