Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
Brutal- a couple weeks back I had a 28 hr blackout and four day hangover. S'why I decided to haul it in
I woke up from my nap, looked out my window, and saw about bout 6 people get tasered in less than 20 seconds.....could someone please tell me what's going on.
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
Randomize
