Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
dude, she has braces
i meant the dude w the ponytail.
i was less creeped out when i thought you were talking about the 14 y.o.
it's business casual sex. like no kissing, shake hands after, occasional frequency
So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
Randomize
