I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
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