Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
ya figured it'd be nice to explore the mythical world of sober sex i've heard so much about
i've often wondered how it works
Randomize
