I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
I'm getting the same feeling waiting for the web-page to load that has my final grades that I get when I take a pregnancy test. I think I'm gonna leave my computer for 3 minutes.
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
Randomize
