He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
Shes from jersey what did you expect her to say when you asked her if she did coke? Its like asking some1 from a third world country if they are hungry
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
Randomize
