would it be inappropriate to describe you with the phrase "bigass titties"?
how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
i just saw her new tattoo, how much more trashy can you get than having "taste the rainbow" on your body for the rest of your life?
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
Randomize
