remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
If I'm going to keep blacking out this much I need to start taking more pictures.
I was just tongue fucked into oblivion.
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
Randomize
