hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
It was either a cute kinda butch tomgirl or a really fem guy. Either way, I made out with it. Bisexuality, my best friend.
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
Randomize
