I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
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