You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
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