My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
hahahaha classic. this is why you are going to a college with a hospital right next to it
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
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