Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
Randomize
