apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
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