Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
Someone else needs to become the bad example in our group
But you wear shame so well
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
Two of my dealers just made friends at this party. Do you think one will be pissed if I buy from the other or should I just go 50/50?
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
Randomize
