Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
Operation Purity has been aborted
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
Randomize
