I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
I got head to The Nanny. Officially gay.
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
I'm way too hungover for life right now
Would you consider masturbating to Hocus Pocus an adulthood high or low?
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
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