i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
Every time you buy a sobe you buy a bong.
well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
No padding. I spent my whole summer with my nips out. October don't need that too.
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
Randomize
