i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
I saw the attitude and didn't even try. Line of the night from one guy who talked with them for a while said, "I don't meet you standards. I have a job and would treat you well." She was blank faced.
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
Randomize
