What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
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