Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
Randomize
