Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
shots, cocks, socks. bingo
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
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