We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
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