dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
Dangr zzzzzzzzone
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
Randomize
