I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
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