i need an iv and a liver transplant
it was beautiful and magic like when a hot girl grabs her own tits and smiles at you
It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
Its not low standards. We're more of like a self esteem camp for average girls
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
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