Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
He told me he had an exgf. and didnt follow up with"and now i like guys."
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
What's dad's email?
askmom@cause.idk
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
Randomize
