I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
We need somewhere to take these girls. Otherwise it's a orgy in the Mazda.
So getting a bj to I believe I can fly is one of the greatest things ever
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
i think my cat just said my name.
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
Randomize
