I think I died a long time ago.
We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
Every single piece. I examined every single square inch of this peanut butter and jelly sandwich. and fell in love with every inch. that high.
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
Just saw a man in a motorized chair roll by drinking a beer. It's 9:45 AM. I love Louisiana.
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
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