tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
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