my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
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